


The Fifth Jaeger

by MHWK



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Canon, F/M, Female Characters, Gen, Hurt, Original Character(s), Self-Esteem Issues, Sibling Bonding, Slow Build, Work In Progress, very slow build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:50:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MHWK/pseuds/MHWK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Romulus and Remas Quesada have been granted a Mark-3 Jaeger, Renegade Shift--On probationary status. With their Academy failures in mind and their repeated inconsistencies maintaining the Drift, their future as Jaeger pilots hang in the balance. Can Romulus come to terms with the truth about his parents? Can Remas come to terms with her past? Can they become the pilots that the world needs and lead Renegade Shift to the final attempt on The Breach? And how would the outcome change with a fifth Jaeger on the line, prepared to fight for the world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

From the moment Brawler Yukon took down the Kaiju Karloff, my brother decided he wanted to be a Jaeger pilot. So when the Jaeger Academy opened in July of 2015, we were there to enlist. 

Unfortunately, In the destruction and panic brought on by the Kaiju, air travel was pretty much non-existant along the western coast of the United States, unless it was governmental. This meant that --when we were packing enough clothes and raiding the pantry before running toward certain death--we were heading to Kodiak Island on hopes and prayers alone. 

We walked a lot. We ran sometimes, too, but there was the occasional driver who thought we could use a lift as far as they were going. See, I would have driven, but our family didn’t have a car. My brother, he never got a license. And even then, he had always been afraid to drive, with his sight as bad as it was.

I was eighteen when when the first trimester of the first Jaeger Academy class began. And with us were a few of the greats. The Wei Triplets, the Kaidonovskys, Hermann Gottlieb, and Hercules Hansen and his brother Scott. And then there was us, my brother and me. We weren’t destined for greatness. In fact, sometimes, I think they just let us enlist because we showed up dirty and were not too proud to beg. Even the Weis, who were younger than us, seemed like responsible adults.  
In that first class, it was evident that we were the children. We weren’t expected to succeed in the Academy, but we were determined to try.

Trying only got us so far. And in the end, being siblings only got us so far. The coursework at the academy was designed to create heavy stressors to assess our physical and mental limitations. My brother had seemed to deal with it well, but I lashed out under pressure. Eventually, the academy heads decided that I didn’t have enough potential to weigh against my attitude. The final straw came with an off-color comment from Scott Hansen. I knocked him unconscious with a lunch tray. 

At the end of the second trimester--how I had held on so long I wasn’t sure--I was cut, and so was my brother. We went our separate ways then. He decided to stay and enlist in the next class. I took what I had and just started walking.

I wouldn’t hear from my brother for three years. We hadn’t parted on the best of terms by the time we had been cut from the academy, and so much had happened in three years that I had new things to worry about. Having a brother was so far from my mind that, when I did hear from him, I was surprised he knew I still existed.

I was living in a half-wrecked apartment building that could still manage to get hot water. I had settled in as part of an evacuation crew based in southern California. They had needed volunteers, and while I wasn’t medically trained, I had experience hauling heavy objects and driving large vehicles. This was my place in the Kaiju-zone.  
Returning from the store, I was stopped at the corner at a payphone that served the whole block. Everyone knew everyone, so messages were taken or people were fetched from their rooms. I had only been there for three months, and no one from my past knew where I was. I didn’t get calls. 

“Ree, this one’s for you,” I heard, and stared at the man holding the phone. 

Skeptically, I set my bags on the ground and took it from him. “This is Remas,” I said as amicably as I could.

“Hey,” came a low tone from the other side. It sounded apologetic. 

“Who’s this?” I asked.

“It’s me,” he said. “It’s Rome.”

“Oh,” was all I could manage to say. 

He fell quiet at my lack of enthusiasm.

“Look, I’ve got the pleasure of cooking dinner for my team tonight. What do you want?” I asked. I was short with him, but hearing his voice had made me remember the last fight we had. 

“I need your help, Ree,” he said, and the way he said it made me stand a little straighter.

It doesn’t matter if you hate your siblings, if you had a big fight that made you wish you never saw them again. He was still my brother, and I’d do anything for him if I could.

“They’re giving me a shot,” he said. “Seventh time’s a charm, right?”

He sounded nervous. He didn’t want to ask me for anything. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to drift with successfully,” he said.

That was the catch. The last thing I wanted was to step into a Jaeger, again, but he had persisted in that stressful hellhole of an academy with so many people for three years and seven separate classes. 

“Ro,” I said, “what makes you think they’ll even let me try? I didn’t exactly leave under the best circumstances. I didn’t even graduate.”

“If you can just get here…” he said softly.

“I’ll head out in the morning, alright?” I said.

“Really?” His excitement started to show. “You’ll come?”

I shrugged, realized he couldn’t see it and said, “Yeah… but if it doesn’t work…”

“This is my last shot anyway,” he added.

I fell silent. He had his own conditions to worry about. He’d been at it too long. 

“They’re gonna send a helo for you tomorrow morning, Ree,” he said quickly. “Thanks again.” Then he hung up. 

I stood there for a moment with the phone in my hand. How did the PPDC know where I was? 

October 10, 2018  
The helicopter arrived the next morning just as Rome had said it would. It landed in the middle of the street and I said goodbye to my crew before boarding with a small suitcase in my hand. I had packed it with the warmest clothes I could find. By the time we arrived at Kodiak Island, I was wearing most of them.

My brother met me at the landing pad. He looked the same as he always had, with his messy brown hair and his blue-hazel eyes as he stood there in jeans and a shortsleeve shirt. The only difference now as that he looked like he spent more time working out and less time playing video games like when we were kids. Everyone spent less time playing games these days, though.

“Ree!” he said excitedly. He reached me as I stepped off the last step and he hugged me tightly.

“Hey Rome,” I replied blandly.

“Cold?” he asked.

I stared at him. “No,” I said quickly. “There isn’t a twenty-five degree difference between SoCal and freakin’ Alaska right now at all.”

“It’s only about forty-five,” he said.

“It’s cold!” I griped.

He chuckled and put an arm around my shoulder. He even took my bag for me. 

We didn’t waste any time.

“Ree,” my brother said as we entered the station where we would be tested with the Pons system. “This is Marshal Pentecost. He’s also one of the instructors here at the Academy. He’s the one making all this happen.”

I shook the man’s hand and felt dwarfed. He was imposing. 

“So you’re the famous sister,” he said with little humor. “I hope you live up to the hype.”

I rounded quickly on my brother and shouted, “What have you been saying?”

“Just that you’re the best sister in the world?” he replied with a grin.

I couldn’t hold anything against him, he was getting a shot at his dream. There were very few dreams these days, and since I didn’t have any of my own, I had to be supportive of his.

They suited us up in the drivesuits, basic Jaeger Academy junk. There was no flair, no personalization to the suits, just flat white armor. It was customary to be fully outfitted, whether in single simulator practice or as a team. And let’s not forget the gel relay. My least favorite part.

I wasn’t sure if my brother noticed, but it felt like everything was being rushed. Maybe he didn’t want to notice. I felt like they were just humoring him. Who in their right mind would put a visually impaired pilot in a Jaeger? Genetics had screwed him and taken most of the sight in his right eye. I had been lucky to not get the same condition. 

“The first drift is supposed to be rough,” my brother told me.

“We’ve drifted before,” I reminded him.

He continued on as if I hadn’t said anything. “Don’t chase any of the memories. Just let them come and go.”

“Don’t be a dick about what you see in my head,” I muttered.

“Likewise,” he replied.

“Initiating neural handshake,” Pentecost said and I got ready. 

I took a deep breath as he began counting down. 

In a flash, I was in my brother’s head. I was seeing everything he had ever seen since the last time we had drifted in that exact spot. His memories were still strange, blurred, exactly how he saw them. I had always wondered what a blind person dreamt of. Were his dreams blurry? Everything had to be so close to even be compared to how I saw it.  
I shrugged my shoulders and tuned everything out. I could feel my brother’s excitement. After the last time our drift had failed, he had lost confidence in us. 

“Stable,” the marshal said. He gazed at an EKG machine with a technician as it spat out our brainwaves. 

We stayed standing there for a few minutes as he spoke quietly with the technician. 

“Holding strong,” he said to us. 

After about thirty minutes, he closed the mock conn-pod and we prepared for the simulator. We could drift again, but could we hold it long enough to put a Kaiju in its place? 

“Begin calibration,” Pentecost said.

My brother lifted his right hand, and mine did as well. “Right hemisphere calibrated,” he said.

My left hand raised, and so did his. “Left hemisphere calibrated,” I said.

“Good,” said Pentecost. “Simulating drop.”

We had never successfully completed a combat simulation together. In fact, he couldn’t drift with anyone else, and no one else had wanted to work with me. We had only ever been in the simulator once before, and we had been so badly beaten that I was sure there was a record of it somewhere. 

The hologram was crystal clear inside that simulator conn-pod. We were airlifted from the imaginary Shatterdome and then dropped close to our Kaiju opponent.

The Kaiju was Verocitor, the standard simulator Kaiju. Verocitor was like playing a videogame on the casual setting, but it had beaten my brother and I so badly the first time we had faced it that I felt my knees begin to shake.

“We’ve got this, Ree,” my brother said aloud, and the sound of his voice brought my confidence back. 

I wasn’t sure if Marshal Pentecost expected us to beat it, but we did. I hadn’t expected it, but we had taken minimal damage and dropped Verociter as easily as so many Ranger-trainees had done in the past. We had even contained the Kaiju Blue and had very little collateral damage to the virtual city.

The imaginary helicopter took us back to the imaginary Shatterdome and I assumed it was over. Then the marshal said, “Once more. Simulating drop.”

We took a collective breath and were shipped out again to face another Kaiju. When this one appeared before us, rearing its ugly head out of the water and roaring at us, I couldn’t help but laugh. My brother grinned.

The Kaiju was a large Category Two that had been called Ganga. She’d attacked the Polynesian Islands, and I had a personal history with her. 

The pilot beside me was not a veteran, and I had to adjust, but Ganga hadn’t changed. She was still a large, armored Kaiju with a tail like a hammer and small arm-like appendages below her throat. If she caught us with them, she would hold us and wail on us with the larger front arms and that heavy tail. 

Traditionally, the pilot on the right was the lead, the dominant pilot. I had followed my brother against Verocitor, but with my history with Ganga, he let me call the shots. It took much longer, but we put her down with the plasma cannon. That hadn’t been the way she had really gone down--we were not as graceful and had a plasma cannon this time--but it worked. 

Pentecost shut us down and the look on his face made me rush to take off my helmet. It didn’t look like he had good news. 

“Quesadas,” he said and we disengaged from the conn-pod and approached him. “The two of you were both cut from the first academy.”

That was it. They were never going to give my brother a shot at piloting a real Jaeger. My brother put a hand on my shoulder and I looked down, realizing my fists were clenched and I was shaking. He internalized his disappointment.

“However,” the marshal continued. “It seems your high simulator scores and your persistence to continue, Mr. Quesada; and Miss Quesada, your unorthodox…” He cleared his throat as if he didn’t really have anything good to say about me and just let it go. “But the PPDC has taken into account your sheer determination. Whatever seems to have been the problem with your drift compatibility in the past is no longer. It’s been some time since a neural bridge that strong has been witnessed in that simulator.”

“Do we get a Jaeger now?” I joked.

“This is a trial, Quesadas,” Pentecost said. “If you pass the probationary period then you will be able to call yourselves Rangers. Do not screw up. You will not get another chance.”

“Yes Sir!” we said quickly.

Then, my brother asked sheepishly, “Do we get a Jaeger now?”

 

Anchorage Shatterdome. I can’t say I wanted to stay in Alaska, but we were going to get a Jaeger, and I didn’t have to worry about rations and money anymore. I was a PPDC Ranger, if a probationary one. I had been ordered, however, to spend as much time on a simulator as possible. 

Since the drift, my brother and I hadn’t talked about anything. There was a lot in his head I didn’t like, and I knew there was a lot in my head that he didn’t like, so we went about our own things. At night, however, we shared the same quarters, but it was still silence among the bunk beds, small kitchenette, and restroom. We shared that space physically, but in no other way.

Outside of that room, though, he was the same as he had been at the academy. He was very social, and spent his time with other people. I retreated to the room to eat during mealtimes, or I read by myself. Unless I was with him in the simulator, we didn’t usually see one another.

I had been there three days and hadn’t developed any relationships. We hadn’t even seen our Jaeger yet, a Mark-3 called Renegade Shift that had been sitting on the sidelines waiting for her first pilots. It was supposed to be flown to the Icebox, but it wasn’t there yet. 

Laying on my bunk, holding a book above me in an awkward position, I heard the door to the room open. 

“That your invisible copilot?” I heard and tilted my book to the side to see the Becket brothers standing in the doorway as my brother entered. I returned the book to its place in front of me and ignored them.

“Yeah, that’s Remas. She’s being antisocial,” my brother commented.

Raleigh, the younger Becket, chuckled, “Your parents really did name you Romulus and Remus.”

I commented, “You’re parents were just as bad with Yancy and Raleigh Becket. How country can you get?”

“This is why you don’t have any friends,” my brother said.

“I have friends,” I replied, “they’re just in Australia where I left them.”

I glanced to my brother and the warning on his face was clear.

“My welding team,” I said shortly. “I’ve had a hand in building the Sydney Shatterdome and most of the Mark-2s out there, and a few Mark-3 pieces. Including bits of their Gipsy Danger.” 

“We’re heading to lunch,” my brother said, “I’d like for you to join us if you can pull yourself away from your book for long enough.”

There was that undercurrent of tension, it came from holding in how we felt about one another’s secrets. Mostly, his agitation at my secrets. I had already gone off on him about his when we were still enrolled in the academy, it had led to my dismissal. 

At my silence, my brother left the room. I didn’t know if he was expecting me to get up and close the door, but I just laid there and went back to my book.

“Something going on?” I heard and tilted my book again to see Yancy. He had stayed behind. “Between you and your brother, I mean.”

“People were never meant to share brain space,” I said. “We’re supposed to have secrets. People don’t always like people when they know every little thing about them.”

“True,” he said as he stood at the threshold. “But it’s your brother. If you’re going to have no secrets from someone, it’s better that it’s someone who you can equally love and hate at the same time like a sibling.”

“True,” I shrugged. 

“The way I understand it, he’s really grateful you came back to help him,” Yancy said. 

I forgot what outside perspective was like. I knew that my brother was grateful that I helped him finish the academy, but I also knew how angry he was at me. 

“Come on,” Yancy said. He even held out his hand. “We could use some fresh conversation at our table.”

I sighed and closed my book. I slipped on my boots, didn’t bother lacing them up, and left my room. I walked side by side with Yancy toward the mess hall. There wasn’t any pressure to talk, even if he had mentioned fresh conversation. 

We stood in line to get our food and he let me be. And when we finally sat down, me beside my brother and him beside his, it was Raleigh who spoke first.

“Rome said you were part of an evac crew?”

I had started to expect that my presence would create silence like it had in the Academy. I stared back at him with my spoon hovering in front of my mouth. Yancy chuckled.

“Y--yeah,” I stuttered. “Out of SoCal. You know I had always imagined that when I got to Cali, it would be warm beaches and hot guys. Instead it was just Kaiju and junk.”

“Poetic,” my brother said.

“English major,” I muttered.

“Junk-jockey,” he said.

I glared at him. It was going to get mean, I knew it was. I stopped myself and settled with saying, “Punk.”

It was unwise to get into a verbal debate of any kind with my brother. I was certain that he could have convinced Hitler it was a bad idea to invade Poland. I was the opposite with words. With the same speech, I might’ve convinced Hitler to invade the US instead.

“So you said you worked on Jaegers? Mark-2s and 3s?,” Yancy said when we fell into silence. “Was that before or after you were at the Academy.”

“I never graduated the academy,” I said. “First gen. Ranger class and I got cut at the end of the second trimester.”

“Then how--” Raleigh began.

“There are three things that rule the world, Mr. Becket,” I said. “Money, sex, and power. Apparently, if you sleep with the right people, they give you a giant robot.”

They stared at me.

“Roughneck humor,” my brother grumbled into his potatoes.

Raleigh laughed, but Yancy just smiled. 

“We have Rome’s timeline,” Raleigh said. “You two hiked from Texas to Kodiak Island for the Jaeger Academy and he just stayed. What’d you do?”

“After they cut me, I ended up on the production line for the US Mark-2s,” I told him. “I somehow created a pretty badass team and the PPDC took notice. We got flown around the world working on Mark-2s, then, just as they were starting to launch, we were asked to be consults on the Mark-3 developments. We worked on a few Mark-3s and then ended up in Australia to work on the Sydney Shatterdome and they offered us full time positions.”

I stopped there and the Beckets became intrigued. I could see it on their faces. 

“How’d you end up back in SoCal?” Raleigh asked. “Sydney seemed like a good deal.”

“You know, there isn’t a lot that bothers me,” I said, “but Australia’s got these really big spiders.”

“You left because of a spider?” Yancy said. The way he looked at me, I knew he didn’t believe me.

“And Ganga,” I added. 

“Oooh,” Raleigh said. He leaned back. “That was a nasty one.”

“It was just too close for me,” I told them, “I couldn’t handle it. So I ran away and started working with the evac team. It was easier to deal with the aftermath of a Kaiju than when it was happening right in that moment. Which reminds me, good work in Puerto San Jose. The teams that were sent in for the cleanup said it was probably one of the cleanest Kaiju kills they’d ever seen.”

Raleigh and Yancy gave one another a high-five. 

“Last thing we need is to stroke the Becket ego,” Rome said.

“Whoa, Rome,” Raleigh said quickly, “I’d be happy if you didn’t stroke anything Becket.”

I rolled my eyes. Penis jokes. Even my welders had made better jokes. “Don’t worry,” I told my brother. “It was a slip. I’d never intentionally stroke a Becket.”  
The brothers across from us turned red. 

My brother lifted his hand. I gave him a high-five without looking.


	2. October 15, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renegade Shift finally arrives at the Icebox, but the Quesadas still have trouble maintaining the Drift.

Chapter Two  
October 15, 2018

I was up the next morning before breakfast was even cooked. I was used to a longer day than it seemed most were. With the evac crews, I was used to a higher physical demand. We cleaned up streets and worked on city projects to restore clean water and fix the roads. We didn’t just do evacuation. Being a Ranger was easy. If we weren’t training on our own schedule or fighting Kaiju, it seemed like we were lounging about. Jaegers were simple, toting water to thirsty neighborhoods wasn’t.

I used the rec-room in the early hours. I stretched out and prepared to break a sweat. Everything was mine before anyone woke up, and I moved from one machine to another until I started seeing life in the hallways. A glance at the clock on the wall said it was five-fifteen. I was at breakfast at six when the bulk of the line was gone and I could practically run through.

I was about to head back to my room when Raleigh waved me over to their table. I sighed inwardly and went. I sat down beside my brother, and across from Yancy, and set about eating. 

“Don’t expect a good-morning from her,” my brother said. “She’s been living with--”

“Keep it up,” I muttered with a mouth full of eggs. He didn’t finish his sentence.

Raleigh smirked. “Neither of them are morning people,” he told his brother.

“You’re one to talk, Raleigh. You wouldn’t even be here if I didn’t drag you out of bed,” Yancy replied.

“Speaking of getting out of bed,” my brother segued, “where’d you go this morning?”

I looked to the Beckets, then quickly to my brother. “Me?” I asked, unsure. He looked at me. “Well, I figured I’d sneak out and run away back to Texas.”

His eyes narrowed.

“I was working out,” I griped. “Everyone’s got abs of steel and I’m still fat-ass Franny over here. Jeeze, Rome give me a break.”

“If you’re a fat-ass,” Raleigh said, “I’d hate to see what you think of people bigger than you.”

I sighed and set my head in my hand as I ate. I’d been in the Icebox for going on five days and I already felt trapped. There was a reason I kept to myself, these people didn’t understand me. We weren’t the same. We didn’t think the same way. 

“Rome!” I heard and glanced over to see a man approaching us. 

“Tendo!” my brother said excitedly and stood up to shake his hand. “Good to see you!”

“You too, brother,” Tendo replied. Then he glanced to me and said, “This must be the Quesada-sister.”

I waved half-heartedly.

“Ree,” my brother said, “This is Tendo Choi.”

Yancy said, “We all met at the Academy.”

“Fascinating,” I said blandly.

Tendo stepped back, he pulled in his excitement to finally be meeting me, a person he’d obviously heard about for some time. He whistled and then clapped my brother on the back and switched gears. “Hey, Rome, you and your sister should get down to Jaeger Bay Two as soon as you can. Your Jaeger was on the horizon when I headed this way to get you.”

My brother smacked my shoulder out of excitement and knocked the spoon from my hand. He said, “Come on! Let’s go!”

“I just started eating…” I replied sourly.

“Should’ve woken up earlier. Let’s go!” he told me and practically dragged me out of my seat. 

We probably weren’t supposed to be running down the halls, but it was Tendo, the Quesadas, and the Beckets that covered the ground between the mess hall and Jaeger Bay Two with a stampede of boots. I didn’t have a choice but to run with them. It was either that or get run over _by_ them in their excitement. 

The ground-crews for the Jaeger teams had moved aside to allow the incoming Jaeger to be placed and driven in. When I saw her, my annoyance of my brother’s excitement was washed away. Renegade Shift was set in her station and I felt my pulse rise. That was my Jaeger. That was a Mark-3 Jaeger that I had worked on, that I had had a hand in building. My face felt hot. 

During her construction, I had joked with the engineers that she should have been painted black with orange accents and there it was, just as I had imagined. 

I started laughing. My brother stood beside me and looked at me quizzically.

“That’s my Jaeger,” I said and pointed. 

The look on his face said, “ _our_ Jaeger”. He didn’t get it. He probably wouldn’t until the next time we entered the Drift. 

In our awe, we hadn’t noticed Tendo leave us, but when he came back, he said, “Suit up Quesadas, Marshal wants the two of you to take it for a spin.”

My heart dropped. 

Raleigh and Yancy were excited for us. 

I broke out in a cold sweat. The Drift before was just a simulator, it wasn’t the real thing. It wasn’t a real Jaeger that I would actually fight Kaiju with. 

Before I knew what had happened, I had followed my brother up to the room adjacent to our removed conn-pod. Our designated drivesuit crew offered us the cloth circuitry suits and I just stood there staring at it. Was I supposed to wear underwear with it? Had I before when we had suited up for the simulator?

I glanced to my brother and watched him strip down to his boxers before he started putting his feet into the bottom half of the garment. I just followed his lead. 

Standing in my underwear in the same room as my brother felt weird. It didn’t matter that he had seen everything in my brain. I felt eyes on me and glanced to him. 

“What?” I asked when I saw him looking at me.

“Hurry up,” he said shortly. 

I growled audibly and dressed. After that, it was all the armor attachments that would keep us from breaking something if we got thrown around in a battle. Someone must have taken my measurements while I slept, because I didn’t remember offering them. The drivesuit fit like a glove. 

We stepped into that conn-pod and put on our helmets and the orange accents made me smile. Orange and blue on the inside. Orange and black on the outside. 

“Who the hell painted this thing?” my brother muttered as we locked our feet into the the conn-pod harness.

“Don’t hate,” I said as I locked my arms in. 

“Why do I get the feeling you had something to do with this?” he asked.

“Because it’s always my fault,” I said with a shrug. 

“Don’t start,” he sighed. 

Set, we waited for the gel relay to settle in, and Tendo’s voice came over the system. He told us to prepare for the conn-pod to drop and butterflies erupted in my stomach. That was a far drop. 

I started screaming the moment the pod was released and didn’t stop until we were coupled securely with the rest of Renegade Shift. Rome was laughing. And when Tendo’s voice came through again and said, “Initiating neural handshake,” and began counting down. I could hear the humor in his voice.

“Not funny, Mr. Choi,” I muttered. He couldn’t hear me, of course, but my brother could. 

Once more, I stepped into my brother’s head. In that moment, I felt his excitement, but in his memories, I saw when he was looking at me as we dressed in our drivesuits. He had been looking at a scar on my side. I felt his guilt. 

“Renegade,” Tendo said, “Begin calibration.”

My brother raised his right hand and mine raised as well. “Right hemisphere calibrated,” he said.

I raised my left hand and his went up, too. “Left hemisphere calibrated,” I said.

“Be warned, Renegade,” Tendo said, “You’re looking a little shaky.”

“My fault,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I took a deep breath and let the memories come and go. And then I saw it, a flash of a passing memory. It was Rome’s. It was the day at the Jaeger Academy that we first entered the Drift. It was the last time we were compatible in that place. 

The conn-pod rigging jolted, I felt my body sling around and suddenly I wasn’t there anymore. I was staring at my brother at the Jaeger Academy and I was yelling at him. I shook my head. I had to get in control. I threw my arm back and I felt the resistance of the mechanism holding me inside Renegade’s head. 

I snapped out of it. 

“Ree!” my brother shouted. “Remas!”

“Renegade you are out of alignment!” Tendo’s voice called out.

Everything seemed fuzzy. “I’ve got it Tendo!” I called out. “Gimmie a second. I’ve got it…”

Everything went quiet around me. I glanced to my brother. His brows were drawn together. 

“Fuck you, I do care,” he said to me.

“Yeah, fuck you, too,” I grumbled back.

“Stabilizing,” Tendo said.

I stood up straight and took a deep breath. 

“Systems green,” Tendo said. “Good work.”

“Recalibrate, Rome,” I told my brother.

Within a few short moments, we had synced with our Jaeger. We stood there for a few moments in silence until Tendo gave us the all clear to disengage. The Drift ended and the couplings were removed. Then our conn-pod went back up the chute. I didn’t scream this time. 

When we were released, I walked back to my clothes in a daze. I felt light, as if I hadn’t yet reconnected with my own body. I was a wandering soul, cast adrift from the Jaeger that was my true host. 

I dressed and walked with my brother to the elevator. We didn’t say anything. He seemed just as distant as I was, though I wasn’t sure if he felt like I did, or if it was because of the memories we had accidentally engaged. 

We made our way to the central command room as Tendo had instructed us to do. Marshal Pentecost was waiting. 

“Shaky start, Quesadas,” the marshal said.

I tilted my head as if it would help me hear better. I felt like he was talking to me from the other end of a tunnel. 

He leaned in towards me and lifted my eyelid. He looked at me closely and then reached down and grabbed a trash can. He handed it to me and the moment I thought to ask what it was for, I stuck my head in it and vomited. 

When nothing else came up, I wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve and said, “I’m sorry, Marshal, this has never happened before.”

“We’ve also never dropped you several stories to a stationary position before,” he replied. I was actually surprised by his amicability.

“Why didn’t it happen sooner?” I said and sniffled. 

“The relay gel won’t allow you to while in the Drift,” he told me. 

“That’s fortunate,” I muttered. I offered the trash can to my brother. I was suddenly feeling much better. “Need to get something off your chest, too, Rome?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No, I’m fine,” he said. I was certain then that it was our memories that had him unsettled.

I thought of passing the can back to Marshal Pentecost. He saw me consider it and his expression changed. I set the bin on the floor and said, “I’ll take care of that later.”

“If you intend to be on the frontlines,” Pentecost said, “you’re going to need to get used to the drop.”

“If we could practice regularly,” I suggested.

Tendo piped up with, “Twice a day. Before breakfast, and before dinner.”

Something must have shown on my face because Tendo then added, “Starting to worry what you got yourself into?”

“Has anyone ever… not gotten over it?” I asked.

“Usually,” Marshal Pentecost began, “by the time Rangers are finished with the Jaeger Academy, they are immune to it.”

“Right…” I said. It felt like a reminder that we were still on probation. 

“You are dismissed, Quesadas,” Pentecost said. “Be suited up at sixteen-hundred.”

“Yessir,” we said. 

The Beckets met us as we left the room. 

“Here,” Yancy said and offered me an orange. “Vitamin C helps with the headaches.”

“I don’t have a headache,” I replied, more than a little confused.

“You will if you don’t eat something,” he told me. “Raleigh had the same issue with the relay gel our first few drops.”

“You get over it,” Raleigh said and shrugged.

I hesitantly took the fruit from Yancy and then, starting to peel it, I offered it to my brother. “Want any, Ro?” I asked. 

He pushed past my outstretched arm and walked away from us at a brisk pace. 

“Ro?” I called. “Rome!” I took a step to go after him but Yancy put a hand on my shoulder. I wasn’t used to being touched. I pulled away from him so quickly that I slammed back against Raleigh. An overwhelming sense of panic consumed me. Even though I could see Yancy raising his hands, even though I could hear him apologizing and see Raleigh moving away from me, I ran. 

I dropped the orange and ran. I stumbled over my own feet as I tried to round the corner. The memories, even though they hadn’t been the ones to throw us out of alignment, were still fresh in my mind. Just because I hadn’t focused on them didn’t mean they weren’t there, and it didn’t mean that Rome hadn’t focused on them. 

Slowly, I stopped running. I was standing in one of the residential wings. I wasn’t exactly sure where I was, I hadn’t stepped out of my room long enough to explore the facility. I steadied myself and looked around. I was used to getting lost. I had tried to run away from home so many times only to get scared the moment I forgot how to get back. Most of the time, one of the neighborhood cops gave me a lift. Sometimes, my parents called my uncle, who had a vehicle, to come look for me. Those times, he would have to drag me, kicking and screaming, into the car. Our neighborhood was pretty seedy, no one thought twice to call the cops on him. No one wanted to get involved. 

I was used to finding my way back to wherever I would call home, though. After all, I had left Kodiak Island with no plans for the future and ended up traveling the world. 

I shook off the nervousness that was eating away at my stomach and tried to retrace my steps. I quickly realized that my blind panic had made me forget any path I had taken. I mentally reprimanded myself. That kind of panic was not becoming of a Ranger. 

As I walked, I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and realized, I couldn’t quite figure out why I had run from the Beckets in the first place. My welders had slung arms around my neck, smacked me on the back, pat my shoulder. Everything as similar as what Yancy had done. I assumed it was because I didn’t know him very well. I thought it over a little longer and assumed it was because I had let my guard down. I hadn’t had the chance to tell myself that it was not a threatening touch. 

Thinking about everything was starting to give me a headache, and I told myself to push past it. I decided, though, that the next time I saw him, I would apologize. 

Hearing footsteps, I glanced up and realized that I was getting closer to a much busier hallway. Either I could ask for directions there, or figure it out. At least that was what I had thought. When I got to the intersection, I laughed at myself. I had run blindly in a large circle. I had probably run past my own room. I stood staring down the hall at the rec-room. If there ever was a place to blow off steam, it was at the end of that hall. Even if I didn’t feel like it, I had to stop thinking about what had happened. It was the only way I was going to be able to drift with my brother. 

Just as I went to enter the rec-room, I heard my name. I stopped in my tracks, that feeling of overwhelming panic surfacing one more time. It brought with it the worsening pressure in my head. I pushed down at the panic and looked up to see Yancy jogging up to me. The lights in the hallway seemed brighter.

He stopped at a distance and seemed unsure if he should come any closer. I took a few steps toward him and his uncertainty vanished. 

“I’m sorry,” he said before I could. “I wasn’t thinking.”

I shook my head. “Yancy, really. It’s okay. The Drift just brought up a lot of… colorful memories. I just forgot where I was for a little while.”

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

I stared at him. I realized I wasn’t used to getting asked that. Only one other person in my life had ever cared enough to ask, and it wasn’t my brother. 

“Yeah,” I said quickly. “Yeah. I’m fine. Or, if I’m not. I will be.”

He shifted where he stood. “Just a head’s up, any of those memories you’re having trouble with… It’s going to feel worse before it gets better,” he told me.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Just like my head.”

He chuckled and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out an orange and handed it to me. “Told you,” he said.

“You did…” I replied as I hesitantly took the orange. I didn’t understand. Why was he being so nice? People weren’t nice to me. They avoided me. 

“What?” Yancy asked. I looked to him and he said, “You’ve got this look on your face like you don’t trust me.”

I shook my head and told him, “I don’t.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “You’ve got your reasons. But I don’t think an orange is going to hurt you. So eat it, feel better, and I’ll see you at lunch?”

I nodded stiffly. “Okay,” I said.

Yancy left me standing there. I hesitated at the entrance to the rec-room and decided against it. My head hurt too much. 

I peeled the orange as I walked back to my room. Splitting it in half, I then peeled a smaller piece from it and put it in my mouth. Almost immediately, the citrus got rid of the pounding in my head. Yancy had been right. Another piece and the light didn’t seem so bright in the hallway.

By the time I reached my room, I had consumed the entire fruit. I still felt mostly exhausted from the stress of the Drift, but at least my headache was gone. I figured I could lay down and read for a little bit, until lunch anyway. 

The lights were already on inside, and I looked to the top bunk to see my brother laying with his pillow pressed firmly over his head. 

“Hey Ro?” I said. “Yancy said the more we drift, the more most of that old junk will kind of fade into the background. I think… He said it would get worse before it gets better, though.”

“That’s not the point, Ree,” he mumbled. I could hardly hear him.

I shrugged. “Get over it, man. I did,” I said as I went to the little kitchenette to wash my hands. I heard his boots hit the floor and I glanced up.

“How do you deal with that?” he asked. “With what happened?”

“First step is to stop talking about it,” I told him. “Then you just get over it.”

“But you didn’t, Ree. I took their side. I was supposed to protect you. You’re my sister! And because of their bullshit, it messes with you every day of your life.”

I looked through the mirror at him. I saw his guilt. It was more than I had for anything. 

“You could’ve been happy in Australia, Ree,” he said softly.

“No!” I shouted. “Don’t you dare! You don’t know a goddamn thing about Australia!”

“I think I know something,” he said coolly.

“Romulus Quesada!” I warned. “I swear to god, if you keep bringing this shit up, any of it, Australia, my bullshit memories, I’m out. And you can try your luck at finding a partner whose memories don’t make you feel guilty.”

He stood very still. 

“Well?” I questioned. “What’s it going to be?”

“Okay,” he said softly. I crossed my arms. “Alright!” he said louder.

I went to the door. Now I needed to blow off some steam. “Just don’t think about it, Rome,” I said. “Or it’s going to affect the Drift.”

I left him there and made my way back to the rec-room. Upon entering, I knelt down and laced my boots up tight. In the Academy, I had been able to run a six and a half minute mile. It was the only thing I was ever good at. Running. I doubted I could do it now, I hadn’t tried it in years. I just wasn’t in the same kind of shape anymore. 

I started jogging, and then, I got lost in the monotony of it. I was so consumed in my breathing, in putting one foot in front of the other, that I lost track of time.

“You look upset,” I heard and I slowed down and stopped. I glanced back to see Yancy Becket walking towards me. 

“I’m that transparent, huh?” I asked, catching my breath.

He shook his head. “No, Rome looked pretty out of it at lunch,” he said. “I figured you might be, too.”

“Good call,” I said and sighed, “Shit, I forgot about lunch… Sorry.”

Yancy chuckled. “Doesn’t bother me any. You’re the one that forgot to eat.”

I shrugged. “At least I won’t have anything to puke up except the relay gel,” I muttered.

He nodded sheepishly and set his hands into his pockets. “Try not to run yourself into the ground, yeah, Remas?” 

He turned to walk away. I didn’t understand him. What if I did run myself into the dirt. It wouldn’t affect him.

“Yancy,” I called and he stopped. The way he looked at me, I lost all tact. I blurted, “Why do you care?”

“If you haven’t figured it out yet,” he chuckled, “then I probably shouldn’t tell you.”

My brows furrowed. What the hell did he mean?


	3. October 22, 2018

Chapter Three  
October 22nd, 2018

It took me six days of dropping inside the conn-pod to stop puking. Each day, twice a day, it was a little less. Except the third day. I don’t know what happened on October, 18, 2018, but it was just the worst. By the 21st, I was over it. I was actually enjoying the drop. It got me excited. My brother cheered up. After drifting twice a day for seven days, we just pushed past it. We didn’t talk about what had happened, only acted like it didn’t exist when we weren’t in the Drift. 

From time to time, I still felt his guilt, and from time to time I know my memories caused him pain, but we smiled when we ate our meals with the Beckets, and we laughed at Tendo’s jokes when he joined us. Everyone believed we were fine, and I suppose that made us believe it, too. 

On the 22nd, I woke up like normal, early. Marshal Pentecost had called our two-a-days off to just one session in the morning, before breakfast, and I was more than ready to get to it. Had someone told me the year before that I would enjoy being in a Jaeger, I would have laughed in their face. But there was something about drifting with my brother--something about Renegade Shift--that felt right. At least I thought it did. 

I left the room before Rome did, and I met him as our team prepared us to enter the conn-pod. As I stripped down to my underwear, a man entered the room. “Quesadas!” he said excitedly.

“What the fuck?” my brother and I exclaimed together. I rushed to cover myself and my brother stood before me and blocked me from sight, even though he was only in his underwear. Nearly naked in front of our conn-pod team was different than nearly naked in front of a stranger that barged into our territory.

“Sorry to intrude,” the man said and straightened his glasses. 

“Then don’t!” I said. “Get out.”

“Well I have to brief you on the weapons tech for Renegade Shift before you get in there so you know what you have,” he told us. “The last thing we need is you two robot-jocks pushing buttons and blowing the Shatterdome to pieces.”

I started putting on the first section of the drivesuit. “No one told us we were doing weapons training today,” I said.

“Um,” he said, “I did. Just now.”

“Watch your sass, Mister,” I grumbled. 

“Pentecost okayed this?” Rome asked. 

“Need to see the paperwork?” the man asked.

“I’m gonna kill him,” I grumbled. 

“You got a name?” Rome asked.

“John C. Hutcheson,” he replied. “Senior Jaeger Weapons Technology Specialist for the Anchorage Shatterdome.”

“Alright Hutch,” my brother said shortly.

“It’s--” the man began and my brother cut him off.

“You know how they always say if you name an animal, you’re more likely to care about it?” Rome interrupted. 

Hutch sighed, “They said you were the sane one, Mr. Quesada. I’m beginning to question that.”

“I’m rubbing off on him,” I said as our team began to put the armor over my circuitry suit. “That’s what happens when you drift with crazy people.”

“She means a stronger…” My brother tilted his head side to side, considering his next words, and he said, “let’s be nice and say personality.”

“Why be nice?” I muttered. “I’m going to see what you really wanted to say here in a few minutes.”

Noticing Hutch had fallen quiet, we glanced over to him. He was staring at us. 

“What?” I asked roughly.

“You two are the most talkative copilots I have ever met,” he said.

I said, “We talk randomly out of our own personal insecurities. It’s mostly sad, nervous gibberish. People think we hate each other.”

Rome shrugged. “Maybe we do,” he added and dressed.

“Screw off, Rome,” I said casually. 

Hutch nervously cleared his throat. “Quesadas,” he addressed us calmly, as if raising his voice and showing any annoyance would set us off. “You have two short range weapons, and two long range.”

“Hutch,” I said as I tied back my long hair to keep it from interfering with the locks on my helmet. “Your best bet is to hang out with Mr. Choi and guide us through it.”

“You’re joking,” he said.

“No,” I replied shortly. “Not joking. See, I don’t know what the hell you’re really talking about, but Rome probably does. Meaning, if you teach us while we’re in the Drift, it’s probably going to stick much better.”

He sighed heavily. “Very well…” he grumbled. 

I watched him move out of the room with a fatigued resignation. When the doors shut, Rome chuckled and said, “I’m going to find out you were just messing with him, aren’t I?”

“A little bit of both,” I shrugged. “Hurry up, we’re behind schedule.”

Linked into the conn-pod mechanism, Tendo’s voice came over the system. “Quesadas,” he said slowly. “Why is John Hutcheson up here?”

“Because he was down here,” I replied.

Rome laughed, one short, loud, “Ha!”

When we were in one another’s head, I couldn’t help but smile as well. 

“Settled in now, Quesadas?” Hutch asked after we were calibrated. 

“More or less,” I replied. 

Renegade Shift was moved to the opening of the bay.

“Take it easy,” Tendo said, “this is complete control over your Jaeger this time. You’ve been moving your hands for days, please don’t trip over your own feet.”

“Is that a metaphor, Mr. Choi?” I asked with a chuckle.

I could hear him smiling as he replied, “Nope.”

“If you’ll step out of the bay,” Hutch said sharply.

I was about to ask him to say please, but Rome’s thoughts jumped into my head. We couldn’t be too mean to Hutch all at once or he wouldn’t help us when we really needed it. I conceded and we moved out into the water. 

The resistance of the water made movement a little stiffer, but the Mark-3 Renegade Shift was much easier to handle than the Mark-2 of my past. 

“Renegade,” Tendo said, “to your south are two targets. Square up, and when you’re ready, Mr. Hutcheson will walk you through your armaments.”

“Armaments…” I said as we did as we were told. “Armaments.”

My brother chuckled and said, “Mathemati-matica...” 

“Are they always like this?” we heard, Hutch’s voice.

“You’re holding down the button, Hutch,” my brother and I said.

“Oh,” he muttered and then it went quiet.

“Whenever you’re ready, Hutch,” my brother informed the weapons specialist.

In the distance were two old tankers. They were sitting on even older tankers that had been sunk in the name of target practice. The world still had plenty of junk to shoot at. 

“Renegade,” Hutch said, and he sounded unsure to be addressing us by our Jaeger. “If you engage your primary left, it will--”

We did as he was talking. Renegade’s left hand became a heavy drillbit. We raised it to eye level and watched it spin. 

A hard tapping sound came over the communications system. Then Tendo’s voice followed it with, “Mr. Hutcheson, you’re holding down the button.”

My brother imagined Hutch striking his head with the mic. I laughed. That had to be it. 

“Your primary right is your plasma gun,” Hutch told us, then he immediately spat out, “Engage but do _not_ fire. This close to the Shatterdome, you will shut us down.”

“You get the cool stuff on your side…” I whined as we returned the drillbit to a hand and engaged the plasma gun. Standard plasma gun. Rome had used it enough in simulation to know how to handle it. 

“Renegade,” Hutch addressed us again, this time a little more forceful, as if we were distracted children. “Your secondary right is the rocket pod. It has six missile tubes. They are guided missiles derived from the WAFAR rocket family.”

“What’s that mean?” I asked.

“It means they’re cool,” Rome said.

“It means,” Hutch said with a stressed voice, “wrap-around fin aerial rocket. They’re designed to be held in the tube with the fins wrapped around the base of the rocket. When fired, and the projectile clears the tube, the spring tension will jerk the fins up and then stabilize the flight of the missile by making it spin.”

“So they’re _really_ cool,” I said.

I heard Hutch groan. He took a second to collect himself and then said, “When you’re ready, Renegade. Please aim for the targets. Lean in before you fire.”

We moved Renegade, braced ourselves, and accessed the rocket pod. The inside of the Jaeger lit up with our guidance system the moment the six missiles shot free. Rome and I had the same thought and we each took three of them. Mine struck the first tanker, his struck the second.

“They’re not completely hopeless…” Hutch muttered.

“Hutch!” I shouted.

“Button!” Rome finished. 

“Goddamn it!” he swore at himself. 

It went quiet again and then Tendo chuckled, “He mean’s good shot, Renegade.”

After a moment, Hutch returned and cleared his throat. “If you… If you engage your secondary left,” he began, “a railgun will drop from your back over your left shoulder.”

“Oh fuck yeah!” I cheered.

“Who gets the good side now?” Rome grumbled.

I engaged that railgun and watched it come online on the panels before me. 

“When you use the railgun,” Hutch said, “to be safe, keep a minimum of…” I could almost hear his aggravation. He was trying to make it easier to understand. “Make sure you are standing up to at least your knees in water, that will keep the pump for the cooling system from sucking up sand and clogging the water jacket on the railgun. This railgun is ten times the force of the ones the US Destroyers are using. You are carrying fifty rounds at two-hundred kilograms a piece. Each one will have the energy of two-hundred kilograms of TNT. That means, At two-hundred kilograms, it would have fifty times the energy of a hundred and twenty millimeter tank round, and at six-hundred megajoules, she’s just a bit higher than a sixteen inch battleship cannon. She can theoretically fire ten rounds per minute. However, to keep from overheating, you must allow the water jacket to refill before firing. When it fires, there will be a release of steam. The steam will probably not completely dissipate by the time you are able to fire again. Trust your sensors until you get a handle of it.”

“What’s the range?” I asked.

“Up to approximately one hundred miles at a projectile arc. Ten to twenty directly. At a ten-mile shot, you should hit your target in eight seconds,” Hutch replied. 

We stood there waiting for him to continue, when he didn’t, I asked, “Hutch? That it?”

“Fire when you’re ready,” he told us. “When you engage the railgun, the pump will start. Give it a moment to turn the sensors green and you’re set. And lean forward to brace yourself.”

Braced or not, firing the railgun was like getting punched in the shoulder. 

On the other hand, one of the tankers sank.

The steam cloud was massive. Big enough to almost shroud Renegade Shift entirely. 

“Now,” Hutch continued. “If you miss your target, you will definitely have drawn his attention. In the event that you need to engage in close combat, you can release the railgun’s powerpack. If you do this, you will also drop the reloading mechanism for the rocket pod. You have a total of eighteen missiles for the rocket pod. Make sure you reload before you drop. And make sure you fuel up the railgun’s supplemental powerpack before a mission. If you try to run solely off of the Jaeger’s reactor, you’re going to end up taking much longer to charge the railgun.”

Again, we stood there, waiting.

“Was I not pressing the button?” Hutch asked Tendo. “Renegade? Can you hear me? Did you get that?”

“Yeah! Yes!” we said quickly. 

“That’s all I’ve got,” he said. “Contact me if you have any questions.”

“Thanks, Hutch!” we shouted, even though we didn’t have to. 

We heard, “You realize you gave a giant robot to a pair of children, right?”

Tendo laughed, “They can hear you, Hutch.”

_The children have the Jaeger._ Rome and I smiled to one another. 

 

Getting out of the conn-pod felt strange again. I dressed down and Rome and I went to breakfast. Or what was left of breakfast. We had messed around so long with Renegade’s targeting system, practicing, that they were putting away the food when we arrived. 

I swore softly and we raced towards it but Raleigh, sitting at our table, called, “Hey Rome, Remas!” 

The Beckets had saved us trays. 

When we reached them, My brother sat by Raleigh, forcing me to go around the table and sit beside Yancy where the other tray was. I didn’t think much of it. We’d sat in every combination of pairs over the past week. 

“Notice,” I said after swallowing the spoonful I had put in my mouth, “he kept switching from metric?”

“I think he was dumbing it down for you,” Rome said with a smirk. I made a face at him. “Notice,” he continued, “he kept using female pronouns for the railgun?” 

“Hutch is a smart guy,” I added, “if he can remember to release the damn button.”

Rome smirked. The Beckets seemed unusually quiet as my brother and I ate. I glanced between them and Raleigh quickly looked off in another direction. I was skeptical, but I tried not to pay it any attention. Until, that is, it happened again.

“What?” I asked, a little rougher than I intended.

“What?” Raleigh repeated, as if he wasn’t sure I was addressing him. 

Rome looked between us. “What?” he asked of me.

“I’m missing something,” I said. I glanced down at my tray and then pushed it away from me. “What is it?”

The Beckets stayed quiet, but they looked between each other with alarm.

“Better say something,” Rome said as his fork hovered in front of his mouth, “Ree’s more likely to up and walk off without finishing than I am.”

The brothers looked at me. Yancy opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he just stared at me. 

“If you did something to my food...” I said as I stood up.

“Why would we do that?” Raleigh shot back defensively. 

“Shut up, Rals,” Yancy told him. Then he turned to me and said, “We wanted to ask, since you and Rome aren’t going to be as tired after dinner… did you guys want to head into town?”

I sat down heavily. “We can leave the Shatterdome?” I asked.

They became very still. “Yes,” Rome said. “You thought we couldn’t?”

“No one ever told me!” I blurted.

“You--” Yancy began.

My brother finished, “Thought we were locked in?”

“That’s commitment,” Raleigh mused.

My attitude changed so quickly, I surprised myself. I was excited now. “What’s in town? When are we going? Rome? We’re going, right?”

Rome seemed confused by my asking him for permission. “Sure?” he replied slowly. 

I grabbed my tray and then quickly pushed it away again. “What do I wear? I have nothing to wear! Where are we going?”

The Beckets couldn’t hide their smiles.

“It’s Alaska and it’s getting close to winter,” Rome said. “Wear the biggest jacket you have or you’re going to freeze to death.”

“It’s not that cold,” Raleigh commented.

“She’ll complain she’s cold during a Texas summer,” my brother told him. “Alaska will kill her.”

“He’s not lying,” I nodded.

 

I don’t know what my brother and the Beckets did for the rest of that day until we left the Shatterdome, but I couldn’t sit still. I tried practicing my six and a half minute mile, but I kept slowing down. I was distracted. Eventually, I went back to my room and tore through my sparse closet. At lunch, Tendo joined us.

“Alright over there?” he asked me when the shaking of my leg during my fidgeting started causing the table to shake and ripples to appear in everyone’s drinks.

“We’re taking her out into civilization tonight,” Rome said. “I think she’s stuck between excitement and social anxiety.”  
I glared at him. 

“Stop me when I lie,” he said. 

I rolled my eyes and went back to eating. 

“Wanna come, Tendo?” Raleigh asked. 

“Where are you going?” Tendo replied.

“The usual,” Yancy shrugged.

Rome scoffed. 

Tendo said, “That’s no place for a lady.”

“What place?” I asked. 

Rome said, “It’s a Jaeger Fly trap.”

My brows furrowed. “Well that explains why the Beckets want to go, why shouldn’t I?”

Tendo snickered. “It’s uh,” he said, regaining his composure as the Beckets looked to him with offense. “Well, it’s more of a hookup place.”

“Is there beer?” I asked.

Tendo nodded. “Well yes.”

“Are there shots?” I asked.

Tendo nodded. “Yes.”

“Is there a pool table?” 

Again he nodded. 

“Then there’s something for everyone,” I said. “They can dance with Jaeger Flies and I’ll drink just enough that I can remember how messed up the chicks are that their drunk asses are banging and make fun of them about it later.”

Again they were staring at me. 

“I forget sometimes that we pulled you out of a roughneck camp,” Tendo sighed.

My eyes narrowed on him. “I was with an evac crew,” I corrected him.

“The wel--” Tendo began and stopped himself. “Right, SoCal,” he said quickly and I could see him trying to play off his slip. 

Did he know about Australia? I decided I would need to be careful around Mr. Choi. 

Playfully, I asked, “So are you coming with us, Tendo? I’m sure the Beckets could teach you how to _not_ pick up chicks.”

Rome said, “I think Tendo’s got that down pretty well on his own.”

Tendo winced and put a hand on his chest. “That hurt, man. That really hurt.” 

I shook my head. “I get the feeling you four strikeout… a lot.”

“Of course _you_ don’t,” Yancy said. “Women get to stand there and tell men no all day. You just grab the one you like best.”

“Alright,” I said and leaned forward on the table. “Let’s make it even,” I said. “Tonight, first one of us who can convince a pretty lady to leave with them, wins.”

The Beckets turned a bright shade of red, even their ears. My brother set his face in his hand and sighed. Tendo started laughing. 

Yancy offered me his hand. “You’re on,” he said. 

I put my hand on his and and we moved it to the center of the table. “Who’s in?” I asked.

Raleigh decided to play. Tendo was a little more hesitant. And my brother slapped his hand on top and said, “This is going to be awful. I’m going to regret this.”

In my head, I imagined him adding, _We all are._


	4. October 22, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Remas Quesada experiences life outside of the Shatterdome as a Jaeger pilot for the first, and possibly last, time.

Chapter Four  
October 22, 2018

Of course, my brother knew me better than anyone else. When we stepped out of the Shatterdome to head into town, I quickly realized that my jeans and hoodie were not enough in the forty degree weather. 

I huddled upon myself as we walked through the guarded gate and I high-stepped it towards the car.

“Cold Remas?” Yancy laughed.

“Fuck yes!” I growled. 

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” Raleigh told me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, practically dancing in place beside the car as the four of them took their time getting to me. “I didn’t get a cool club jacket with my Jaeger’s name on it!”

I had to admit, their Gipsy Danger jackets made me jealous. I wanted one. 

“Here,” Yancy said, and in good ol’ Becket fashion, he removed his jacket when he reached me and held it out. “You can borrow mine.”

I stared at it and said, “If smelling like you scares off all the hot chicks, I’m gonna be pissed.”

“Then don’t take it,” he said, biting back a smile as he began to put it back on. 

“No wait!” I held my hand out. “Please?”

Yancy put a finger to his ear and leaned towards me. “I’m sorry, What was that?” he asked.

“Please?” I said again, a little confused.

He loudly said, “Did Remas Quesada just say please?”

“Goddamn it Yancy! Give me the jacket!” I shouted, my hands balled into fists as I shivered uncontrollably. 

He grinned as he put it around my shoulders and then opened the car door for me. 

“Ass,” I muttered as I jumped into the back seat and pulled the leather jacket tighter around me. 

Raleigh took shotgun and Tendo and my brother sat in the back with me.

“Yancy, turn on the heater,” I complained as I lifted my feet into the seat and wrapped the jacket around them. I tucked my head into the folds of leather and huffed hot air onto my hands. I took a shaky breath and inhaled the warm smell of leather and sweat. 

“When was the last time you cleaned this thing?” I asked.

“Clean?” Yancy replied as he pulled out of the parking lot. “What’s that?”

“Nasty motherfucker,” I muttered.

“I can always take it back,” he said.

I said, “Nope!” and huddled upon myself again. 

I couldn’t tell what anyone else was thinking in that dark car, but one look at my brother and I could see something was bothering him. 

It took a few minutes to get to our destination, but just before we got out, Raleigh said, “Wait, wait. What’s the wager?”

We glanced to one another. 

“What’s the winner get?” Raleigh asked. 

Apparently, no one had thought of it.

“Losers split the tab?” Rome suggested.

We all shrugged or nodded. “That works,” we agreed.

When we got inside that bar that night, I realized how right Tendo had been. It was a Fly trap. I gave Yancy his jacket back and he wore it inside. It loudly displayed his and Raleigh’s status as Jaeger pilots. Gipsy was a rockstar. I saw women eying them like they were willing to fight over them. 

Rome and I took up an empty pool table with the Beckets as Tendo picked up the first round and started a tab. No one would even know Tendo, my brother, and me. Tendo wasn’t a pilot, and Renegade Shift hadn’t even seen battle yet. We didn’t have the status that the Becket boys did. We’d have to try a little harder. 

Tendo set the pitcher on a nearby table and Yancy lifted a pool stick and said, “Beckets versus Quesadas.”

It was loud in there with the music and the chitchat, I could hardly hear him. He motioned to him and his brother, then to me and Rome and I shrugged. “Rack ‘em up,” I said.

I stepped back as they got ready to play. Tendo seemed content not playing for the moment and stood off to the side. I leaned my pool stick near him and reached back to grab the cloth of my hoodie. I pulled it over my head, and when I could see again, Tendo was staring. 

“No wonder you were freezing,” he said. “You were hardly wearing anything under that. You look like Fly Bait.” 

I looked down at the red strapless top that hugged my body like a second skin. My PPDC dogtags jingled as they settled in place. “Somebody’s gotta win this, Mr. Choi,” I said, “I like winning.” 

I tied my sweater around my waist, took up my pool stick, and returned to the game. Raleigh leaned in to break, but he looked up as I approached and the cue ball popped off the table. Quickly, he ran to fetch it. 

Confused, Yancy turned to see what had caused the commotion. A huff of laughter slid past his lips and he said, “That’s cheating, Remas.”

“You’ve got your fancy jacket,” I told him. “I’ve got boobs.”

“Seems fair!” Tendo said from the table and raised his glass.

“She fights dirty,” Rome said from beside me.

“No such thing as dirty fighting,” I replied. “It’s called winning.”

“And this is why we’ll beat the Kaiju,” Raleigh laughed as he returned with the cue ball. He set it in place and stepped back for my brother to make the break. 

The clatter of the pool balls overshone the music for a second and people started looking at us again, trying to appear as if they weren’t staring and considering how to approach. 

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Tendo said as we divided into Becket Solids and Quesada Stripes. “I’m the only one that isn’t a pilot. I have the highest chance of paying the tab anyway.”

A song came on the junk jukebox and people started clambering to their feet. I knew the song, didn’t much care for it, but I set aside my pool stick and said, “You’re here to dance with me, Tendo. Let’s go!” 

I grabbed his hand so quickly he almost spilled his beer and he scrambled to set it on a flat surface as I pulled him out to the crowd. I couldn’t dance, but Tendo could. I actually looked half-decent paired with him. I hadn’t danced since the one awkward middle school dance I went to. I had skipped high school senior prom since no one had asked me, and I couldn’t afford a dress. 

At the end of the song, I had to catch my breath before we headed back to the table. Halfway there, Raleigh raised an empty pitcher. 

Tendo touched my shoulder, the barest of touches, and leaned in close as he said, “I’m going to grab another.” Still, I could hardly hear him with the surrounding commotion.

I nodded and continued on. 

“Your shot, Ree,” Rome said. “Remember, stripes.”

“I remember,” I muttered. “I swear, do something wrong one time and it follows you for the rest of your life…”

“They’ll write that on your tombstone,” Rome told me.

“Tombstone?” I asked as I took my shot and missed horribly. “Who says I’m gonna die? I’m gonna live forever.”

“Famous last words,” Rome quipped. 

I shook my head as I went to stand beside him. “No way. My last words will be: Watch this!”

He snickered.

Raleigh leaned on his pool stick. “Mine will be: Now why did I do that?”

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty,” Yancy chuckled. 

Tendo set a pitcher on the table. He glanced to me and I said, “Famous last words, Tendo. What’s yours?”

He smiled and said, “Mine: I’m sorry, was she with you?”

We laughed.

“Okay,” Yancy said quickly. “I’ve got mine: Raleigh, listen to me.”

“What?” Raleigh balked. “Come on!”

Yancy told his brother, “You’re gonna be the death of me, Kid.”

“Yeah, whatever _old man_ ,” Raleigh shot back.

We all then looked expectantly to Rome, who had gone quiet, thinking. A sly smile crossed his lips and he said, “I think I just saw something.”

I threw my hands in the air. “We have a winner!” I said.

Yancy crossed his arms and pretended to pout. “I really don’t think there’s anything that can beat that.”

“If one of us actually uses our last words,” Raleigh smirked. “That’s the winner.”

Tendo held his hands up. “Hold on now, let’s not go out there trying to die,” he told us. 

“Aw come on, Tendo,” I joked, “I can’t try to even the playing field for you all the time.”

“Speaking of playing field,” he replied, “I got a phone number.” I pulled a note out of his pocket. “So even if I lose tonight, I might get lucky later.”

“How?” the Beckets blurted.

And then Tendo said, “Well, you see, when a man and a woman like each other--”

“Now that how!” Yancy said quickly. “How’d you get a number that quick?”

I said, “Chicks dig men who aren’t afraid to dance.” Then I quickly added, “Not me. Dancing is lame.”

Rome crossed his arms and said, “Says the one that dances by herself every time she thinks I’m not looking.”

“Ro!” I barked, “Sometimes, there are personal things you don’t talk about.”

A look crossed his face like he was going to take it a step further, not in a mean way, but just to poke fun at me a little more. But I gave him a stern look and he just smiled. 

Somehow, for an hour or two, we seemed lost in our own conversations. We were loud, we were drinking quite a bit, and we were the worst at playing pool. The wager had fallen to the back of our minds and we were just enjoying one another’s casual company. 

I lost count of how many pitchers we had ordered and downed, but between the five of us, I was only just a little buzzed. 

As I racked up for another game, Yancy stood beside me and leaned down. “There’s a lady over there with her eye on me,” he said. 

We were apparently in the stage of oversharing.

I glanced up and the woman smiled a little broader as she sat at the bar. I chuckled. “No way, Yance, she’s lookin at me.”

“You wish,” he said and bumped me with his shoulder.

I stood up straight and said, “Fine, come on! We’ll go ask.”

His shyness set in. “What?” he asked.

“Come on, Yance,” I said over my shoulder and waved him with me. He jogged a few steps to catch up. 

The woman at the bar was pretty. She had dark skin and the way her gold earrings sat next to her face made my face feel hot. 

“Hi,” I said cheerfully as we got to her. She seemed surprised that we were there. “My friend and I were wondering,” I said and glanced to Yancy. He wasn’t looking at her but appeared to be trying to keep his attention off of her. “Were you smiling at him, or me?”

She seemed uncertain about my forwardness. “Well,” she said slowly. “He’s cute, but I was looking at you.”

I leaned forward on the counter and said, “Then please, let me buy you a drink.”  
I talked to her for an hour. At first, I didn’t really care. I was using every line I could think of and she just laughed at me like I was the biggest ball of cheese she had ever seen. But she just went with it. We did a few shots. And then she took my hand and leaned in close. She scribbled her number on my palm and then kissed me. It wasn’t just a peck on the lips, it was a “we’ve been drinking too much and I have no sense of control” kiss. 

“Call me when you sober up,” she said when she eventually broke the kiss. Then she left me there. She left the bar without me.

I heaved a sigh and let my shoulders drop. I was sure I had it. 

Grabbing my drink, I walked back to the pool table and said, “Seriously? All that time and all I got was a phone number?” I held my hand out, palm up. 

“And someone else’s lipstick,” Raleigh said and motioned to his mouth.

“Oh… fuck,” I muttered and wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

“At least you got a kiss,” he added, “All we got is phone numbers.”

“Two,” said Tendo.

“One,” my brother said. He made it clear that he wasn’t really trying.

“Three!” Raleigh beamed.

We looked to Yancy and he said, “I’m gonna win this right now.”

He nearly sprinted past me. He went to a table that a group of women had just left and he grabbed a white purse that had been left on the back of one of the chairs. With every ounce of charisma, he reached them before they got to the door and gave it back to its owner. He struck up a conversation that brought the four women back into the bar. 

They sat back down at the table they had intended to leave and Yancy pulled up a chair.

“Something seems off,” I said as I turned back to the others.

“Don’t get jealous because it isn’t you,” Rome told me as the game changed to me and Raleigh versus him and Tendo. 

I paused. “Wait… What? Which one am I jealous of?”

He didn’t say anything. Raleigh drank deeply from his cup to hide his humor. 

“No,” I said and shook my head. “That purse, it’s Gucci. It’s easily several thousand, maybe more now that they’ve practically ceased production on most luxury items because of the Kaiju attacks.”

Raleigh asked, “How do you know that?”

“I read,” I replied.

Tendo asked, “So what’s up with the bag?”

My brother replied, “It was a Jaeger trap. No one leaves something like that behind unless they want someone to pick it up.”

“So…?” Raleigh began. He seemed a little worried for his brother.

“So,” I said, “did anyone get the keys from Yancy? Because he’s probably going home with them tonight.”

Tendo looked between us. He started counting on his fingers and then gave up. “I don’t think any of us should be driving,” he said.

“Everything is so blurry,” Rome sighed. 

A fit of giggles overwhelmed me, which drew in everyone else and we ended up howling with laughter at the pool table. 

“It’s funny because he’s blind,” Raleigh sighed.

We looked at him and the laughter only got worse. 

We migrated from that pool table shortly after that, occasionally checking on Yancy, but mostly talking amongst ourselves and drinking. 

“Last call!” the bartenders announced and Tendo, the only one of us who could manage to walk in a confident straight line, went to pick up the last pitcher. 

As he passed behind me, he blurted, “Remas Quesada, when did you get a tattoo?”

“You got inked?” Rome asked. “When? What is it?”

“Tramp stamp!” Tendo said.

“I bet it’s a butterfly,” Raleigh slurred.

“Fuck you guys,” I said and pulled my sweater tighter around my lower back to hide it. 

Raleigh suddenly whistled and I glanced over to see him watching his brother. Three of the women had left, but the one with the white bag was practically sitting in Yancy’s lap. She leaned in so close as she spoke into his ear, and she giggled and smiled and ran her hands over his chest. 

“Get it, Yance!” Raleigh catcalled. Rome and Tendo loudly joined in. 

I called, “Stop rubbing it in, Yance, get a room!”

The woman needed no other invitation. She took his hand and made to leave with him. 

“Yancy!” I shouted. “We need the keys, bitch!”

They had just stepped out the door when he stopped and came back to us. He had the keys in his hand and he stared at them in thought. I held my hand out for them and he closed his and pulled up a chair to sit with us. 

“You guys are fucked up,” he said. “I’ll drive.”

He hadn’t had a drink since he had gone after the purse. He was the most functional out of the five of us. 

“That’s so nice,” Rome said, leaning forward on the table, sprawling an arm across it.

“But you almost won,” I said.

“Technically,” Yancy said, “I did leave with her. We just didn’t go very far.”

“You sly dog,” I said, wagging my finger at him.

He put a hand on mine and pushed it out of his face. 

“Do that again and you’re gonna lose a finger,” he told me.

I was glad we were fun drunks, because Tendo, Rome, and Raleigh all pointed at him. Raleigh went as far as to start saying, “We’re not touching you, Yance. We’re not touching you!”

I gave Raleigh a high-five from across the table. 

That last beer did us in. Or at least it did me in. Everything between high-fiving Raleigh and waking up in my bed the next day was gone. 

I only woke up that morning when there was a heavy pounding on my door. “Quesadas!” I heard. Tendo. 

“Fuck!” I groaned as I covered my ears and stumbled to the door. Rome just rolled over in bed and put his pillow over his head. 

Even the creak of the door made me wince. 

Tendo’s eyes were half closed in the bright hallway. I shielded my eyes. “Marshal’s pissed,” he said.

“What time is it?” I whispered.

“Half past noon,” he told me.

Panic leapt into my chest and with it came another bout of pounding in my head. “Ugh,” I groaned. I said, “Can we call in sick?”

He shook his head and then touched his temples as if he had almost knocked himself off balance. “Marshal says to suit up.”

“We’re coming…” I muttered and went to my brother. It took practically yanking him off the top bunk to wake him up. “We’re late,” I told him. 

I looked down at my clothes and realized I was still dressed how I was the night before. But I had worn my hoodie to bed. When had I put it back on?

I got dressed, but I put my hoodie back on and pulled it low over my face. Rome put his hand on my shoulder and just let me lead him through the hallway. He walked with his eyes closed.

The drivesuits proved difficult. I stumbled side to side and eventually settled with sitting down to put it on. I fell asleep on my feet as our crew placed my armor. 

We dragged our feet into the conn-pod.

“Prepare for drop,” Tendo said after we locked in. He sounded tired. 

“I’m gonna puke,” I said, even though I knew the relay gel wouldn’t let me.

When the conn-pod connected with the rest of Renegade Shift, I sagged in the mechanism. Rome leaned forward, his hands on his knees.

“Initiating neural handshake,” Tendo said and began the countdown.

“I’m gonna puke,” Rome grumbled.

I stepped into his head and he felt just as awful as I did.

“Tendo?” I asked, “Is this the first Jaeger hangover?”

Marshal Pentecost’s voice roared back, “Is this funny to you, Ranger Quesada?”

“No, sir! Sorry, sir!” we answered. 

Panic dawned on my brother. I could see it in his head. We were going to lose our Jaeger.

I spoke up quickly. “Things got a little out of hand last night, Sir,” I said. “We’re very sorry about that. It won’t happen again.”

A scene flashed into my head. Rome must have been trying to remember what had happened the night before. He was leaning between Raleigh and Tendo as we got ready to leave the bar. Ahead of them was me. I was trying to step outside first, without a sweater on. Yancy had stopped me. He told me, “You’re going to get sick, Ree,” and took the hoodie from around my waist and forced it over my head. My arms weren’t in the sleeves. 

He put an arm around me and drew me close as we stepped out into the chill Anchorage night. 

“It will not,” Pentecost nearly shouted. “I give you an inch, and you take a mile, Quesadas. Consider yourselves restricted to the Shatterdome and back in the conn-pod twice a day.”

“Yes sir!” we sounded off. 

I saw my brother wake up on the ride back to the Shatterdome. He looked around the car, mumbled something and when Yancy stopped the car, they got out. But I was asleep. 

“We can’t forget Ree,” Tendo said softly, as if I were a child that shouldn’t be woken. 

“I’ll drop her,” Rome said and teetered where he stood.

“Next time,” Yancy said, “someone else gets to play designated driver.” He stooped into the back seat and lifted me out like I weighed nothing. I curled against him, wrapping my fingers around the leather of his jacket.

First, he dropped Tendo off at his room, then Raleigh, then Yancy walked me and my brother to our room. He set me on my bed and helped Rome climb onto the top bunk. 

_You don’t know him, Ree._ The thought wasn’t mine, but it felt like it was. The thought, however, was true, whether it came from me or Rome. I only knew so much about the Beckets, and Tendo. And if my brother hadn’t been with me the night before, I wouldn’t have gone. 

I sighed, “At least we didn’t lose Renegade.”

“We need to be more careful,” my brother said. 

“I agree,” I told him. 

One lapse in judgement had almost cost us everything. We knew we had to get ourselves in gear if we ever wanted to see the frontlines. 

We missed lunch. We were dehydrated from so much time in Renegade, and by the time we finished, it was close to dinner. Since we had woken up late, we did both shifts in our Jaeger back to back. 

I pulled my sweater back on and pulled the hood over my head as we left the conn-pod. We made our way to dinner and Tendo met us in line. No one said a word. 

Trays in hand, we went to Jaeger Bay Two and sat on the floor by Renegade Shift’s massive feet. 

I had grabbed two large bottles of water and drank the entirety of one before I even started eating. And when I did eat, it was slow and lethargic. I didn’t much care for what was on my plate. I wanted to go back to bed.

“How much of a new one did you get ripped, Tendo?” Rome asked cautiously.

“Could’ve been worse,” Tendo replied. “I think you two got the brunt of it.”

“Well,” I said, “we _were_ on probation. Still are, I guess.”

After a moment of quiet, Tendo chuckled, “He said Ranger Quesada to Remas and you both freaked out.”

I couldn’t help but smile. Rome smiled, too.

I kept thinking back, as I stirred my food with little intention of eating it. At the bar, even though I was enjoying myself with Raleigh, Tendo, and my brother, I had kept looking at Yancy. Was I interested to see if his confidence would pay off? He had said he was going to win, and he did on a technicality. But why had it only been a technicality?

“What’d you mean, Rome?” I asked and broke the tranquil quiet around us.

“What?” he asked.

“That I didn’t know him. What’d you mean?” 

He looked back at me and frowned deeply. “I never said that,” he said.

I shook my head. “It was in the Drift,” I reminded him.

He tilted his head, seemed to think about it, then he shook his head again. “That was you,” he said.

“Oh hell,” Tendo exhaled. “Maybe Pentecost should just leave you two on practice in the morning. You’re getting all hive-mind.”

“What?” I asked.

Rome said, “It’s what happens when two people of high compatibility drift often. Sometimes you both share thoughts but neither knows who it’s really coming from because it’s really, occasionally subconsciously, from both pilots. I read that it happens to the Kaidonovskys, too. They do have the record for the longest neural handshake after all.”

“Eventually, you two will be able to read eachother’s minds without being in the Drift,” Tendo teased.

“That’s just a rumor,” my brother said. 

I hoped it was a rumor. I cared about my brother, but I didn’t want to _become_ him.

 

When we finally decided we just didn’t want to eat anymore, we took our trays back to the cafeteria. The Beckets were sitting at our usual table and they ran up to meet us.

“Where have you guys been all day?” Raleigh asked.

“Getting our butts thoroughly chewed on by Marshal Pentecost,” I muttered.

“The children are restricted to the Shatterdome,” Tendo informed them.

“All well enough,” I said, “I haven’t drank like that since Lismore and I ain’t doing _that_ again.”

“Lismore?” Yancy asked. “Australia?”

“What happened in Lismore?” Raleigh asked.

I stood very still. It had slipped.

Tendo covered for me with, “Apparently, she got pretty damn drunk.”

I needed to know how much Tendo knew.

“It’s one big blackout,” I lied. I hadn’t been that drunk, but I had downed enough alcohol to make interesting choices without regrets. I clearly remembered Lismore.

Behind me, Rome groaned. “Pentecost has us back in Renegade twice a day,” he told the Beckets. Then he nudged me and said, “We should get some sleep.”

“I’m down,” I replied and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. 

“Night Quesadillas,” Tendo said, paused, and burst out laughing. “I didn’t mean that!” 

“This is high school all over again,” I whined. 

We parted ways, or started to, but Yancy called me. “Remas? Got a minute?”


End file.
